Flare Yourself Through Vogue Hairstyles

Going to ask for a day off? Try not to do it when your boss has her hair in a bun. Asking your coworker out for drinks? Do it on a day she has taken extra time to style her hair. Whether we realize it or not, women in the workplace wear our attitudes on our sleeves, or rather, our heads.

We can be strange and complex creatures at times, especially in the workplace, and men don’t always understand us or our body language. So, I have come up with a cheat sheet for dealing with your female coworkers or boss, based solely on her hair. Unless you work in a dance studio, the fashion industry, with lunch ladies, flight attendants, or women that all have short hair, this list will apply to your office.

Consider your coworker to be in at least a semi-good mood. Straight hair means your coworker probably woke up on time and was able to have her coffee this morning, but is not really trying to impress anyone. You should be able to have a normal convo with her about both work and non-work related issues. When your coworker arrives to work with straight hair but later pulls it into a taught pony, be warned. The high pony is not as bad as the bun, but it is a close second. The high pony lets you know that your coworker has some serious work to do, but she doesn’t want to look awful. A high pony gets your coworker’s hair out of her way so she can focus on her work, so just remember that she does not have time for your bullshit.

While she may not say it aloud, your coworker spent extra time on her hair because A. She has a hot date that evening, B. Wanted one of her coworkers (or boss, maybe) to notice her, or C.Just wanted to feel especially pretty that day. Unless her barrel curls end up in a ponytail or bun by the end of the day, your coworker cares a little bit more about the way she looks than how much work she actually accomplishes. The coworker with curled hair is in a great mood today, or at least she is trying to be in a good mood. She should be open to light flirting, shallow compliments, and convos pertaining to anything but work.

The Times article notes that the braid first began to reappear "soon after the recession began." Now, it "blooms in ever more complicated iterations on red carpets and runways, commanding premium prices in salons." It's true: like children duped by the only girl in their summer camp cabin who possesses the ability to French-braid hair, aspiring Stylish Ladies are paying $35 to get their hair braided at the W hotel's braid bar (someone kill me). In anticipation of anyone who claims that this article isn't about all types of braided hair, but rather about just one specific type of braid (i.e., the long braid, performed upon long, probably straight hair): sorry, but that's bullshit. It's symptomatic of a far larger problem in fashion that this trend piece wouldn't even consider black women's natural hair.